Rindu Ibu. :(

Ibu. Dayang rindu ibu. Dayang nak jumpe ibu. Tapi tatau bile. Rindu nak borak2 ngn ibu. Rindu nak gelak2 ngn ibu. Rindu ibu. Ibu selalu ade dalam ingatan dayang. Dayang tak penah lupe. walaupun dah lame tak jumpe. Adik2 jugak. Rindu. InsyaAllah. Satu hari nnti kite jumpe lagi ye ibu. T_T terime kasih ibu layan dyg cam anak sendiri. Hari ni rindu dyg kat ibu membuak2. Huhu. Dyg syg ibu. Terime kasih ibu. :((

Sorry n Thank you.

Sometimes I do feel that I am being unfair. Unfair in judging all men are the same. But the paranoid that I have inside me is toooooooooooooooooo big and beyond deep. I dont wanna be hurt again. And that I am being very defensive and egoistic. With men especially. I know i am at fault but yet to admit it.

I am touched. Touched by him. Thank you. Thank you for being a good listener. Thank you for loving me more than I deserve. Thank you that you treat me beyond what i wud ever expect. Thank you that you cud stand with my perangai. Thank you for accepting me for who I am. Thank you for everything.

I know i am not a good gf. Suke majuk. Suke marah. Pastu bile awak majuk, org sikit pon tak pujuk. Last2 , what usually happen, awak akan mintak maaf ngn org balik. Even awak tau, org tau yg salah sebenarnye org.

Org mintak maaf. Org suke layan awak kasar2. Org tak jage hati awak sgt . Awak sgt jage hati org. Awak tanak buat org sakit pon. Tp org...??? Org tau awak kdg2 terase hati ngn org. Org mintak maaf.


I am grateful that I have a bf like you. Siyes tak tipu. Awak mungkin tak seromantik lelaki lain. Awak mungkin tak manis memuji . Awak mungkin tak sehensem Shahir. Awak mungkin tak sekaye Datuk K yg leh belikan org lancome bile2 mase je... Tp I love you. For who you are..

I am happy. Happy with him. So, kalau ade la suare2 sumbang kate aku tak patut ngn die, hey i wouldnt care. Coz all I want is to always be with him. I dont wanna let him go. Not even once. Coz I know no one can love me like he does. And no one can bare with me like he does. No one! No once can accept me in and out like he does. Unfortunately for him that he came after my most heartbraking love story that he needs to accept a new me. Defensive. Egoistic. Sorry.

Hey! I love you coz u love me. I am touched by the way you love me. By the way you see the 'cuteness' in me. (padehal takk). By the way you say sorry all the time. Hey. I love you. Very much that I wouldnt even bare to see u go away from me,. Stay near coz i'll always need you.

Despite saying all this, u r still in trial time my dear. Coz ni baru bulan kedue. Dont be toooooo happy reading this. :) Ur job is to prove that not all men are the same.

p/s : Lancome lancome lancome. Haha. :))) Bile agaknye aku nak dpt tgk blog kau?? Hurmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I miss you. Thanks. Walaupun gf awak ni sememeh. Serabai. Dabel chin. Ketawe bersepah. Ckp cam jntn. Awak terime org kan..?? :))))

Analogy Lumba Lari.

Hmm. Kite igt2 balik. Kalau kite lumbe lari, kite wat ape?? Mest laju gile lari. Nak pingat emas kan. Semangat lahh kan lari laju2. Ade lak nmpk org lain cube memintas tuh. Lagi semangat lari. Paling laju kalau boleh. Kire cam no boundaries at all. Tiada penghalang lahh kan. If ade pon, ohh tak kesah. Asalkan dapat pingat emas tuh. Bile dah sampai garisan penamat, amboi. Bukan main suka lahh kan. Dah dapat pingat, 2 3 ari tayang lah. Bangge katenye. Pastu lame2, gantung wat perhiasan. Sampai dah agak2 lupe tuh , berhabuk lahh kat dinding. Ade tuh , simpan terus dalam kotak. Tggu mase nak buang je.

Haa.Ni analogy pasal lelaki lahh. Nak ngorat kan. Mule2 tuh pehh. Semangat bukan main wa cakap lu. Nmpk lakk ade yg nak bersaing. Makin semangat. No boundaries katenye. No matter what lahh i nk u jugak katenye. Dah konpem dapat, bgge bukan main. Ade aweek kan. Tayang lahh sane sini. Bulan pertame bulan kedua. Tgk bulan ketige tgk. DAh kene 'sangkut' kat dinding dah aweknye. Berhabuk pon dorg tak sedar. Haaa. Cam best kan analogy nih. Kredits tok my ex class mate tym kat nilai. Die sorg lelaki. But I twisted cite die to hentam lelaki pulak. Heeeeeeeeee.

So, pd lelaki. renung2kan dan selamat beramal. Perempuan skang dah tak sebodoh yg disangke. We know when u lie. We know when u do not want us anymore. Peace!~

Misteri atau Ilusi.

Okeh. Back to something more interesting. Hmm. Interesting ke?? Nih nak cite. Ade 3 situasi saye di bilik di UIA Gombak. Tatau lahh misteri ke atau ilusi kitorg je.

Situasi #1

Okeh. Kami berempat berada di compartment Bilaa. Sembang2 malam katenye. Bergosip lahh kan. Tgh berborak2 tuh, dgn tbe2 ade bunyik kuat menerjah telinga kami. (ayat novel 1.haha) Akmar paling cuak. Bilaa n Pika pon cam cuak2 berani je. Aku dgn selambenye ketawe sambil berkate "Alah ilek lahh". Sambil berjalan ke arah compartment sendri. Di pikiran ku, bunyik tuh bunyik baju aku jatuh. BAru nak kua dr comp bilaa, aku yg start cuak. Hmm. Baju2 yg aku sangkut takde yg jatuh pon. Aku pegi balik kat dorg " Weh . Aku igt baju aku jatuh. Tp takk pon." Pika n Bilaa pon bergerak ke comp masing2 cek ade tak ape2 yg jatuh. Tak lame pas tuh masing2 berlari balik ke comp Bilaa. Hmm. Takde ape yg jatuh. Pika nak sedapkan hati kitorg " ala bunyik kunci aku berlage ngn locker tuh." Aku tak puas hati. Aku try lahh lagekan kunci tuh . Bunyik tuh sgt perlahan. Not comparable langsung. Dorg terus bersembang. Aku still tak puas hati lagi. Aku try ketuk locker tuh. Aha! Same! Ok. Itu freaky. Sebab malam sebelum tuh kot dorg nih bercerita ade sorg mmber dorg kene kacau. Malam2 ade 'org' main ketuk2 locker. Huhu. Conclusion of the day : Akmar ajak tidur sekatil. Haha!

Situasi #2

Okeh. Jam menunjukkan pukul 1130 kot. Malam masih mude. Aku tgh on call dgn ehem2. Haha. Comp Bilaa n Pika dah gelap. Menandekan dorg dah otw nak tdo. Atau dorg dah tido. Si Akmar masih terang. Mengemas locker rasenye pade ketike itu. Tgh2 ber gayut tuh, tbe2 terdengar lahh ade org cam kua bilik. Pintu berkunci. So bile ade org bukak pintu, bunyi 'keletak'. Aku pelik. Sebab akmar kalau dah malam2 cani, mane berani nak p toilet sorg2. Mest ajak aku. So aku jerit, "Akmar! Akmar!". Akmar menyahut. Ak tanye " Kau ade kua ke weh". Pastu die berlari2 anak p comp aku. "Takde weh. Kau dgr ekk bunyik pintu tadi? Sape weh. Tkut weh!" Aku pon sedapkan ati. ala. Bunyik locker kau kot. "Aku tau la beze bunyik locker ke pintu." Soknye isu ini dibangkitkan di hadapan Pika. And Pika pon dgr. Die igt tu kitorg. Aha! Sape pulak yg main2 pintu nih??


Situasi #3

Ohh. Ini baru terjadi semalam. Oleh kerane demam dan pening yg amat sgt, pukul 10 dah tertido. Agak nyenyak lahh. Dalam pukul 12 tuh , terjage. Bilaa pon dtg lahh jenguk aku. "Demam ke?" Die tanye. Aku jwb "Tadelah. Pening je." Pastu die tanye ade takk dgr org ketuk pintu tadi. Aku dalam hati ah sudah. ade yg main pintu lagi ke? Bilaa cite kali ni die ketuk sekali je. Dak2 nih takut nak bukak sebab dah kol 11 lebih dah. Igt kot spot check. Kalau spot check, mest die ketuk sampai nak roboh pintu tuh. Ni takk. Sekali je. Dorg pon pelik lahh. Dorg jenguk kat tgkp, takde nmpk kelibat org pon. Huhu. Bulan2 pose ni pon kene kacau?? Wahhh.!~


Ha. What say you? Haha. Tepuk dada tanye iman. Agak2 takut, bacelahh yasin , ayat kursi dan 3 qul. Allah knows best! :)

Perihal Remove Connection.

Haih. A big big big sigh.

I thought bile buang, things will get much more easier. Tp tak pon. I did that bukan sebab ape. For the sake of me , my self. I want to be free. Free from everything that has to do dgn org yg di delete. Haih. Kadang2, i need to think pasal diri sendiri. Kalau asek pk pasal org, pasal ak .... Mest lahh aku sendiri yg nak kene jge. So...??? I need people to understand nape aku delete die. First, tuk kebaikan aku. Second, takde effect pon! Die kate. "We wont be frens." Die dah buang aku dr hidup die lame dulu. Salah ke kalau aku mengiyekan ape yg die nak thru FB.? Salah ke aku?? Salah ke aku kalau aku nak lupekan every single thing pasal die? Mmg boleh je. Kalau nak biakan. Tayah lahh sampai buang. Tayah lah masuk page die. Wat bodo je. If it is that easy........ Sume bnde tuh is past. Sebab past lahh I deleted him. Cz I want to erase everythg! Give me some spaces that I deserve. If die sakit skang, die marah skang..... Cube pk tym aku marah die, sakit sbb die dlu. Did he ever care? What i did is i clicked the remove connection button. Thats all. What he did is beyond that.

I may have evrything. A new bf bla bla bla. Tp kau realize takk yg ramai are backing u up. They said what i did was wrong. What u said was ryte. Sume hentam aku. And how is my everythg when u also have everythg? Every supports that u need..?? Dah lahh. I want all of these to be over. End! Plzz. Let me do bende yg aku rase baik tok aku. I am nothing for you that i need to think of ur emotions. U made me nothing. So, plzz. I am begging you. Sorry if kalau2 kau kesah aku delete kau. Aku delete kau bukan sbb emosi. Bukan dalam keadaan marah. Bukan dalam keadaan tak waras. Dah lame dah I thought of deleting you. Kalau kau ade dalam frenlist aku, tendency for me to stalk you tu sgt besar. Watpe nak stalk2 lagi aku pk? So , aku delete. I want to forget every single tiny little thing! Wat pe aku nak kau ade dalam frenlist. Aku akan sakit. I dont wanna be sakit forever! I am begging and seeking for your understanding. Kau yg ckp kau tanak kawan ngn aku dah. Tp now ... Aku makin serabut skang.

Percayelah cakap aku. Ap yg aku wat nih takkan ade effect ape2 pon kat kau. Trust me. Oh. Maybe kau akan kate akan ade effect regarding ur fren. We are mature enuf kan. Take it profesionally lahh. We know how to separate things. I believe he is matured enuf. U need not to be worry. I am truly sorry. Sorry sgt if I made things even more complicated for you. Cz i juz want to make things easier for me. I wish that u will understand why i did this. Let me be happy with my life. Baru skang nak rase happy balik. Plzz. Kesian lahh kat kite nih. I need some fresh air to breath. After all this while, baru je nak rase happy sikit. Let me be, will you?? Not saying that I am happy deleting you. It is just that aku tanak dibayangi kau lagi. Tanak igt kau lgi. Plzz.

Aku just berpegang kpd kate2 kau. Byk kali dah aku cakap aku tanak bergadoh pon ngn kau. Aku tanak bermusuh pon ngn kau. But the way you treat me tuh cam tak membolehkan kite berkawan. So, watpe nak jd 'kawan' dalam fb lagi?

Tah lahh. I have my reasons. Everyone, plzz understand. And plzz. I need tym to recover. Jgn push aku. Luka nih terlalu dlm. Ye. Maybe aku terlalu emotional. Tp tak ketika masenye aku click butang tuh. Tq. And sorry for everything. Pffftttt!~

(dalam keadaan sgt serabut. haih. and i need you!~. How i wish u were here. T_T)

Perihal Remove Connection.

Haih. A big big big sigh.

I thought bile buang, things will get much more easier. Tp tak pon. I did that bukan sebab ape. For the sake of me , my self. I want to be free. Free from everything that has to do dgn org yg di delete. Haih. Kadang2, i need to think pasal diri sendiri. Kalau asek pk pasal org, pasal ak .... Mest lahh aku sendiri yg nak kene jge. So...??? I need people to understand nape aku delete die. First, tuk kebaikan aku. Second, takde effect pon! Die kate. "We wont be frens." Die dah buang aku dr hidup die lame dulu. Salah ke kalau aku mengiyekan ape yg die nak thru FB.? Salah ke aku?? Salah ke aku kalau aku nak lupekan every single thing pasal die? Mmg boleh je. Kalau nak biakan. Tayah lahh sampai buang. Tayah lah masuk page die. Wat bodo je. If it is that easy........ Sume bnde tuh is past. Sebab past lahh I deleted him. Cz I want to erase everythg! Give me some spaces that I deserve. If die sakit skang, die marah skang..... Cube pk tym aku marah die, sakit sbb die dlu. Did he ever care? What i did is i clicked the remove connection button. Thats all. What he did is beyond that.

I may have evrything. A new bf bla bla bla. Tp kau realize takk yg ramai are backing u up. They said what i did was wrong. What u said was ryte. And how is my everythg when u also have everythg? Every supports that u need..?? Dah lahh. I want all of these to be over. End! Plzz. Let me do bende yg aku rase baik tok aku. I am nothing for you that i need to think of ur emotions. U made me nothing. So, plzz. I am begging you. Sorry if kalau2 kau kesah aku delete kau. Aku delete kau bukan sbb emosi. Bukan dalam keadaan marah. Bukan dalam keadaan tak waras. Dah lame dah I thought of deleting you. Kalau kau ade dalam frenlist aku, tendency for me to stalk you tu sgt besar. Watpe nak stalk2 lagi aku pk? So , aku delete. I want to forget every single tiny little thing! Wat pe aku nak kau ade dalam frenlist. Aku akan sakit. I dont wanna be sakit forever! I am begging and seeking for your understanding. Kau yg ckp kau tanak kawan ngn aku dah. Tp now ... Aku makin serabut skang.

Percayelah cakap aku. Ap yg aku wat nih takkan ade effect ape2 pon kat kau. Trust me. Oh. Maybe kau akan kate akan ade effect regarding ur fren. We are mature enuf kan. Take it profesionally lahh. We know how to separate things. I believe he is matured enuf. U need not to be worry. I am truly sorry. Sorry sgt if I made things even more complicated for you. Cz i juz want to make things easier for me. I wish that u will understand why i did this. Let me be happy with my life. Baru skang nak rase happy balik. Plzz. Kesian lahh kat kite nih. I need some fresh air to breath. After all this while, baru je nak rase happy sikit. Let me be, will you?? Not saying that I am happy deleting you. It is just that aku tanak dibayangi kau lagi. Tanak igt kau lgi. Plzz.

Aku just berpegang kpd kate2 kau. Byk kali dah aku cakap aku tanak bergadoh pon ngn kau. Aku tanak bermusuh pon ngn kau. But the way you treat me tuh cam tak membolehkan kite berkawan. So, watpe nak jd 'kawan' dalam fb lagi?

Tah lahh. I have my reasons. Everyone, plzz understand. And plzz. I need tym to recover. Jgn push aku. Luka nih terlalu dlm. Ye. Maybe aku terlalu emotional. Tp tak ketika masenye aku click butang tuh. Tq. And sorry for everything. Pffftttt!~

(dalam keadaan sgt serabut. haih. and i need you!~. How i wish u were here. T_T)

Campur Aduk.

Kehidupan di uni : So far..... Quite ok lahh. Masih nak membiasekan diri dgn alam sekitar. Kelas jauh. Bilik ok. Rumet : OK sgt!~ Classmates : Pon ok!~ Lecturer : Ok gak. Assignment : TAK OK! Haih. Menimbun nih. Haiyakk.!~

Pencarian lelaki hensem dah bermule. Haha. Seperti bese mate saye melilau mencari mmt ensem. Haha! Ade je dowh. Ramai pulak. Tapi saye tabahkan hati ini. Bf nak campk mane pulak. Campak mane2 lu jap leh takk?? Hahah!~

Oh ha. My sis ade mengutarekan cite lawak jenake. Makcik saye mengorek rahsie katenye ngn c tra.

"C ina ngn c polan polan tuh dah takde ape ke?"

" Takde dah. Dah break off beberape bulan yg lalu. Knp?"

" Saje lahh . Nak tgk sape yg dapat menantu dulu. Ibu ke ? "

Hahahahhaha!~ Gelak2 guling2 aku dalam kete. Wahai my dearest auntie, jauh lagi perjalanan nih ha. Haha. Kalau still lagi pon ngn polan tuh, tak lame lagi akan break gak. Kalau ade bf br pon, kalau anak dato', leh sapot saye nih, skang saye trime!~ Haha. Ni bf pon same2 study. Nak bg makan ape? Rumput.? Kelakar. Haha. Lawak antarebangse tol lahh. Lagi satu list ciri2 bakal husband saye :

1. kacak dan bergaye.

2. kete ade at least 2 buah. 1 leh die bg aku pinjam.

3. sore ala2 shahir ke, anuar zain ke.

4. stylo mylo hilo.

5. dpt memberi ape yg aku mintak.

Ha.. Sume ciri tuh cam takde je dalam diri bf aku!~ Hahahahaha. Takdelah. Ni ciri bakal husband saye. ;

1. Menyayangi saye sepenuh hati.

2. Solat cukup 5 waktu,

3. Puase penuh.

4. Jauh dr clubbg mende tuh.

5. Bebas drugs n alcohol.

6. TERUNE!~

7. Yg bisa membimbing. (dpt yg lg teruk, haru aku!)

Ha. Sape2 yg rase nak jd husband saye (cam takde je. haha) , sile2. Submit borg. Pastikan ciri2 tuh ade. Haha. Yg nak jd tp tak cukup syarat. Make sure improve diri supaye leh jd somi saye. Haha!~

Caca Marba

Bersawang. Berhabuk. Haha.

Buku Baru : Delete. Delete. Delete.!~ Skang ni tgh proses 'penyucian' diri. Haha. Done.!~ Actually. Bende yg ade dlm hati ni susah sikit nak bg org lain phm. So wat cool. Wat cam biase. Simpan dalam je dyg. HAHA. Mende tah. It doesnt worth my time at all. Wah. Ayat someone aku pnjm. Haha. Dalam memory card aku nih, byk sgt bende dah. So, kene delete bnde tak perlu. Remain yg perlu sje. Dalam fb pon aku perlu buang bnde yg perlu dibuang. !~ 'Remove connection' cam memutuskan persahabatan. Tapi takpe. Dapat ape pon berkawan ngn org2 sebegitu rupe. Kan.? :) Saye tak rugi sikit pon. Ok. Proceed.

Bile pipi tembam cam hape, dagu ade due, serabai & serabut, hidung kembang.. CAm buruk kan.!~ Haha! Tp tu lah aku. Hahahah. Ok . Post ngutuk diri sendiri. Tak penah terase diri ni cantik pon. Apetah lagi hot. Comel tu..?? Sipi lah. HAHA!~ Takde lah. Sedar diri ini insan hina. Tapi saya tak layak dihina. (Ayat emo) haha.!~ Tah lah. Kecomelan, kecantikan dan kehotan tuh subjektif kan. Bia mate yg menilai. Or let the hati yg menilai. :) . Kdg2 pelik jugak , cane lahh ade gak yg jatuh suke ngn minah pp tembam nih, selebet lagi. Haha. Bak kate hatim. Personaliti memain peranan. Kau cantik mane pon, kau hot mane pon, kau gile kemas pon, gedik ttp gedik. Haha. Tbe2. Tak. Ini post mengenai diri ini. Hmm. Camane kau menelaah istilah comel tuh..? Camane pulak kau mentafsir istilah serabai tuh.? Setengah org , serabai tuh lah yg comel. hahahahha! Kan..? As long as ade org yg nak trime kau as the way you are. That is enough.!~

*post caca marba. haha!