Finally dpt online kat Uia nih ha. Tu pon agak lembab ye kawan2. Ni pon pinjam lappy my fren..Ok back to work.
This post is specially dedicated to someone special. (wahh!) Atas paksaan. Haha. Too many things that we have gone thru together kan walaupun tak lahh byk sgt. But ya. To make it this far, it aint easy! To make desicion finally to be with you, is not an easy thing at all. I bet you know that. And you know how hard is that for us to be really together. I thought soo many things before I've made up my mind.
1. You are who to whom.
2. What might the 'whom' think about it.
3. What might ur frens of his frens think about it.
4. The perception of people.
5. You are a man. (haha. paranoid)
6. Am I really ready for the next relationship.
7. Can I love you like I loved the one before you.
8. Can you appreciate and treat me as the way I deserve.
9. Can you make me even happier than before.
10. Are you the one.
There were many more questions in my head before I came to the decision. Kau tu sape pade sape. That was the hardest part of all. Sebb tu lahh yg membawa kepade persoalan lain. Haih. People who know u and me and the other person or people, they might have said "Dayang, dah takde laki lain ke kau nak pilih? Kenape die?". And then I told my frens about this, they said, "To be honest , that sounds not good." And I know it does.! People will always say, "hey! Kenape die yg kau pilih?" . And I certainly dont like that. And I may be hated by ur frens which are my frens and die for choosing you. "Dayang , jht lahh kau." And even ade yg kate, " Kau sure kau syg die becoz of him himself. ? Kau sure yg die bukanlahh pengisi jiwa kau yg kekosongan pas break off? (takdelahh camtu ayat nye. tp lebih kuranglahh. haha) ". That was when I had my second thought. Ohh. Maybe aku rase cam aku syg die sbb die ade tym aku sorg2. Die ade tym aku nangis takde sape tau. Die ade just nak wat aku gelak. Die ade sebab kesian kan aku yg macam ape tuh. That is y i cannot let him go. And plus, I 've just had my most heartbreaking relationship. Trauma and paranoid. With men. That was my very first tym yg sakit camtu. So, to have a new relationship soooooooooo soon ..??? Oh no no no no. I didnt dare to commit to anyone yet. And I know how much I loved him and u know it too right. How hard for me to really throw him away. Sooooooooo many things I've thought.
And then I thought them back. Again and again. This is my life. Not theirs. I mean they can say whatever they want to say. But can they make me happy like he did and he still does? NO!. They are no one to me. Let they think what they wanna think. If I always think about it, then when will I be happy. I suffered so much. And now, I need to think perception org yg takde kene mengene dah dalam hidup aku?? It suffers me even more. You guys are not in my place. Thus, YOU. yes. You guys do not have any right to judge me and why I did that , not this. I realize now that I need my old life back. I need to be as cheerful as I can be and he was the only person who can make me happy at that time. Korg?? P mane?? Tah ke mane. And skang nak ckp macam2 pasal aku? Haha. And kalau korg pk aku nak main2kan die or anything lahh, korg silap lahh. Aku pompuan. Bukan lelaki. Lelaki ye lah mungkin nak mainkan perasaan org. I know how hard to be toy. And I wont toy anyone's feelings ya. And if korg rase aku akan tgglkan die untuk the other die. Silap besar lahh. Huhu. He loves me wholeheartedly. (hope so). This is what I can sense . Never been loved so much like this. Never been treated like this. Kenape saye perlu ade second thoughtuntuk terime die. I realize that I love him cz he loves me so much. Bukan pengisi . Bukan pengganti. How can I reject someone who loves me that much. I dont even bare to let him go. Persetankan sume org( wahh. ayat novel) . I just want to be with him as long as he loves me. He accepts me as the way I am. I can accept him as the way he is. Before this, many have said, " Dayang, u deserve better than before". And yes. You are wayyyyy better . In what?? In treating me. And in loving me. I deserve someone like you. (tayah nak suke sgt) haha. So, now, Aku dah wat keputusan nak bersame ngn die, I have to face kate2 org ni lahh. La. Korg nih. Takyah nak kate2 sgt lahh. Korg tak phm. Korg lelaki. Mane phm. So, dok diam2. Tayah nak sibuk pasal hal rumah tangge org. Ok?? Dont worry. I'll treat him nicely ya. Bile aku dah decide nak dgn die, maknenye, I'll appreciate him as the way he appreciates me. I 'll love him as the way he deserves. I just need someone who truly loves me to be mybf. And die ade criteria tu. Tak slah kan kawan2? Ohh. Ye . N die hensem. (heheheheh)
Nah. About you this one long post. Bace selagi mmpu. Haha. I love you!. Thanks sbb syg org. Kau yg selalu wat aku gelak. Sebenarnye tym aku marah2 tuh, ade je tergelak sebb lawak bengong kau tuh. Haha. Tp coverline. Saye kene jd pompuan garang dgn awak. I dont wanna be a very-understanding-yet-a-boring gf. Haha. So, kene garang. Thanks sebb thn ngn perangai org. A new me yg suke marah2. And suke kongkong. Sorry if tak suke. Tp lantak lahh kalau kau tak suke . Haha. Thanks cz let me be myself when being with you. And aku tak suke penipuan kau tau kan. Hehe. So, if ever awak ade wat bende org tak suke spt ****** tuh, tell me. ok?? Jgn nak tipu2. Org tak suke. And I can sense lies. Seriously. I know when people lie to me. Like seriously. And prove to me plzz that all men are not the same. Proof to me, u r not the same as the other guys who love to lie and do not knw how to appreciate someone's love. Any probs between u and me is within u and me je ok. Privacy katenye. I love you. And ya. Jgn nak cinte sgt ngn org lahh. Coz org kate perbezaan cinte and benci tuh sgt nipis. A very tiny little line seperates them. Org tanak one day if anything happen, awak benci org. Org dah experience bnde nih. Its true. In Islam pon kate, be moderate in everything. But I appreciate ur love, ur care, ur misses towards me. No one can do it better than you, my 'ensem' bf. HAHAHA! :0 .I love you!~~ Thanks for every single thing ya. Org doa selalu awak ngn org will always be together, Org nak lame ngn awak. Like seriously. Tak tipu punye. Love you!~ (haih. jiwANG2 SGT PON TAKLEH NIH) hahaahhaha.
Ps: Dah abes tulis. Reward: I need my Lancome plzzzz. Hahahahaha. :))